On Monday I left him at the recruiter office so he could board the shuttle that would take him to Basic and away from me. I tried as hard as I could to be stoic and be his rock but the moment he boarded the shuttle I dissolved into a puddle of tears. I knew it was going to be hard but I was not really prepared for the emotional hit of everything at once. After I left him there, I went home and my apartment smelled of his cologne and I couldn't bear the thought that that morning had been my last one with him for a long time. I knew I had to leave the apartment just so I could regain some sense of normalcy and I could stop crying. When I made it home that night, I was so tired that all I wanted to do was sleep, but the bed also smelled of him and I just couldn't sleep at all. I found a note he left for me and once again dissolved into tears. I just don't know how to do it.
Tuesday was a very long, exhausting and saddening day. I couldn't sleep at all and was wide awake by 5:00am. I decided to go to the gym and then go to work. I expected that being super busy would've made me forget about the fact that I was all by myself. After a long day of work, one of my coworkers who I'll call Danny (to preserve my Mad Men theme, and because she's as short as the male who plays that character) and I went to the gym to try out a new class and all I can say is "tiny runs" are NOT as cute as they sound. I made it home at almost 10pm and I was so tired that the moment my head touched the pillow I was out cold. At around 11:00pm I got a call from Don to let me know that he had made it to Lackland and that he would probably call me one more time before losing his cell phone to the Air Force gods. The last call came in at 3:45am and we barely had any time to talk before they took his cell phone away. I couldn't believe that the last conversation we had revolved around my inability to find a pencil.
Thursdays are a particularly difficult day for me. Students on campus who belong to the Air Force ROTC are required to wear their uniforms. It feels like a constant reminder of the fact that he's no longer with me. I don't know how I should be feeling except for the fact that I'm alone. I feel lonely. I miss hearing his voice. I know it sounds like I'm insanely needy and clingy but I honestly haven't spent more than 1 day without talking to him in 5 years...
I miss him. I hope it starts to feel better and I can finally pull myself together and be me again.
Thursdays SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
Love, Evy
